Did mommy & daddy neglect to mention that you are a freak?Stephen Farah
After that you just old man (!); old and let’s be frank probably pretty ugly. Certainly not someone anyone would find attractive. If you have any sense of social decorum after fifty you should stay at home as much as possible. Your physical presence is not exactly easy on the eye, and you’re probably a little smelly too.You had better be thin.
Yes fatty, I am talking to you! Do you think fat is attractive? Do you think it’s normal to be fat? News flash, it’s not! The reason they refer to obesity as a growing disease in the Western World is not because there is not enough of it to go around, or they are trying to frighten the anorexics into eating something. The reason Mister Noakes is laughing so jovially (or at least as jovially as a thin person can) with his private banker is because of you fatty, you and your ilk. Given carte blanche the normals would have had you sterilised so you don’t propagate. But failing this final solution approach, in the interim they are trying the Noakes diet. In any case, since we’re on the topic of procreation. How exactly do you fatties have kids? And here I’m praying the answer is artificial insemination, because the alternative is pretty gross!The list goes on in this vein:
Reasonably good looking, in possession of all your limbs, a full head of hair (and yes it does need to be washed daily!), good personal hygiene (without being a fanatic), a snappy dresser (not too snappy) and so on.If you are already out of play, then the joke’s on you bud. You didn’t get it that those were essential elements in not being a freak? I will assume your pretence at not being a freak is still intact, and I trust this includes the vast majority of my readers, the alternative is almost too horrible to contemplate. Now where it gets a little more challenging to remain in the classification: normal, is that consider, being normal means:
Not going to Church on a Sunday (or a Synagogue or Mosque on any other day). Did you not get the memo; there is no “God” dumbass! Read a book sometime, why don’t you. Not being a mofie, or queer for that matter. In fact any of the following definitely mean you are not normal, being homosexual, metro sexual, hyper sexual, hypo sexual, too many goddamn sexual fantasies; basically anything involving sex that is not done missionary style, with a person of the opposite gender, with the lights off, and in the context of a stable relationship. And of course without having too much fun! On the other hand, being too sexually conservative in our hedonistic age can also be a kind of perversion. Not being greedy, but also making sure you get your own. Caring for others, but not too deeply; well adjusted relatedness is what we are looking for. Being educated, but not overly educated so that you become a layabout , justifying yourself with the title ‘academic’. Getting ahead, but not at the expense of others. In other words only stand on the right people’s throats, not those who will squeal about it afterwards and expose you as a ruthless social climber. Don’t be too creative (a definite sign of mofie-geid), intelligent (any IQ over 120 puts you squarely in the freak domain), sad (what the fok are you sad about man, just get on with it) or curious (you know what happened to the cat). Don’t be too talented. A little talent is good, necessary even. Too much is just showing off and definitely not normal, unless you consider being a precocious narcissist normal. Avoid any form of excessive passion, caring too much and too deeply about anything will invariably steer you off the well paved being-normal-road into the rocky territory of freakhood.And the list goes on. The best I can do here is paint in the very broadest of strokes what not being a freak looks like. Being totally ‘normal’, this aspirational goal so many of us acquire during childhood and later relentlessly perpetuated by society, enforced by the media, is an elusive state. Being normal means being so middle of the road, vanilla, and straight-laced that it is more or less a state of non-existence. Being “normal” it seems is actually abnormal, ergo it denies its own proposition. My indictment of you personally though, of your character, is beyond simply not being normal. I trust that the fact you are not normal is by now self evident. I believe you, like me, are a proper freak. And what I want to suggest to here is that the profits are paltry and the cost very high in the being-normal game. If you are invested in this mugs game (being-normal) ask yourself the question, who exactly are you doing it for? Your mom, God, the local parish priest, your friends, your spouse, who exactly? Well what is worth getting is that they, like you, are all freaks. Like you, someone told them normal was good and tragically they believed it. Perhaps if you allow yourself to really get your freak on, you may, as a value added consequence, give them permission to be the freaks they actually are. And, whilst a little strange, would a world of freaks not be interesting? Now to be clear I don’t mean that if one is a freak one is necessarily an anarchist, one might be of course, but it is not a necessary implication. I don’t even mean you should not try and get on the world, make your packet. You can definitely be a freak and still be a capitalist. Some of the best capitalists in history were freaks. The whole point of being a freak is liberating yourself from any ideology that dictates your identity. Jung had it that the freak, counter intuitively, was the ultimate guarantor of civilisation. The freak because she participates in society, but is not defined by it, holds her centre against mass psychology, which has a tendency to periods of insanity. A challenge one faces in embracing the freak, even if one is willing to withstand the immense pressure of needing to conform to the ideal of the normal, is knowing in exactly what way you personally are a freak. This is admittedly something of a conundrum, because all formulae for living become prescriptive, creating the very normative constraints we are trying to unshackle ourselves from. Or to out this a little simpler: no one knows better than you exactly what kind of freak you are. Nevertheless, if you’ll keep that caveat in mind, I’ll gesture in the general direction you may find your unique freakhood.
What is your greatest passion? What, if you are completely honest, gives you the greatest joy? Where do you find meaning? Doing what, where and with whom? In what way are you idiosyncratic? How do you differ from your family or friends? Who are you in your fantasy life? Which fictional or actual character did you most admire as a child? What type of information do you consume most readily (fictional or factual)? What secret passion, views, ideas or inclinations do you hide from the world? What does your “cave” look like? Where do you go in your imaginary world to slake your thirst when parched by prosaic reality? What does your true skin look like? If you were to fully embrace your freak, what would you wear?These are, I hope, some fairly easy questions you can engage with and if you are imaginative they should be quite a lot of fun to investigate. They are obviously not intended to provide you with conclusive answers. Rather their intention is to open a crack in the door of repressive normality, so that you can see what may lie beyond it. From one freak to another I salute you! Until next time, Stephen, a.k.a. Lebman